Is passive aggression good for you?
Everybody has got a friend that just acts out passive-aggressively. You don’t blame them, nor do you want to judge. Maybe sometimes you do it, too. But what does it actually say about you? Let’s first talk about the different communication styles and differentiate one from the other.
4 Styles Of Communication
Passive communicators typically avoid expressing their true emotions or feelings as not to engage in confrontational conversations. It’s an excellent method for not hurting someone’s feelings, but there is always a chance you will fall into a pit. Many people that express themselves passively fall into depressive moods, feel anxious, and can’t get a grip on real emotions.
Aggressive communicators are mainly focused on the Ego and step into a conversation thinking not for the other conversationalists’ emotions or thoughts. People that communicate like this often leave others to feel afraid, insecure, intimidated, and in general discomfort.
Passive-aggressive communicators are the ones that present themselves as passive but, at a certain moment, reveal anger simultaneously. Most people communicate like this because they feel powerless or don’t stand up intellectually to the level of the conversation.
Assertive communicators are the healthiest communicators of them all. They clearly state their attitude and feelings while taking in mind other people’s thoughts and feelings.
The Passive-Aggressive Epidemic
As we’ve concluded that passive aggression isn’t good for us, then comes the question – why are there so many people that communicate like that? Think about It – in many cases of having to meet new people or engaging in conversations with people that you already know comes a moment when one of you becomes passive-aggressive.
There are a few reasons for that.
So, let’s start with…
One of the basic and most typical of human emotions is anger. We are taught that anger is bad in an early stage of our lives. It’s either in school or at home we need to suppress the anger in order to be socially approved. All this leads to hiding your anger and pushing it in the closet so as not to offend someone or seem not normal. This kind of social pressure leads to an unhealthy emotional base for conversations.
You’re Sugarcoating It
Anger doesn’t just vanish after you’ve suppressed it. It’s there, and it’s building up. The result is you being confused as to how you are supposed to speak with others so you start to express yourself in alternative ways which leads to passive aggression.
It’s Simply Easier
It is way easier to be passive-aggressive than assertive. Learning how to communicate is something that you build step-by-step in your younger years.
If It’s not tough at the right age, there are quite a few symptoms that can show later in life. Sulking, Indirect communication, and emotional withdrawal are the results of the lack of social knowledge.
You Feel Like You HAVE TO
At a certain point, you feel like in order to reach a specific stage in your professional growth you can’t be assertive because people see it as a weakness.
This becomes a model of approach in your life, and you cannot let yourself seem weak by being Mr. goody-two-shoes.
Often in our lives, we like to rationalize things that seem to be a part of us without thinking they actually may be bad. In a scenario where we procrastinate, don’t feel like doing something or we’re overall lazy we use passive aggression as a tool to seem like the victim. This is a severely common practice in our modern society, and If not stopped at an early age, it becomes a life-altering behavior.
Though passive aggression is normal and in fact, quite common, it is a form of anger that people don’t want to show outwardly. They may not say anything at all, but they will get their revenge in other ways by doing things like withholding affection or refusing to help with tasks around the house.
If you’re feeling passive-aggressive and need some emotional balance, try these three quick tips:
- 1) take care of yourself (nourish your body and mind)
- 2) make time for self-care (take a bubble bath or read)
- 3) practice mindfulness meditation techniques such as deep breathing exercises when you feel the rage boiling up inside.